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Transitions aren't short in real life

Entries in this blog

 

I watched The Raid tonight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWlmhMSnVdM   Let me start off by saying that I'm a little bias towards this "type" of film. I feel that films like this one, Scott Pilgrim, 300, and The Warriors; should be classified as "Beat Em Up's". The exposition is kept to a minimum, chatter is straight to the point (or used for a comedic tune to turn down the suspension), and there are boss battles everywhere. So in short, I enjoyed it very much, a long with the cinematography, and its music.   The film's

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Is it possible to loose the abilities you were born with?

I've been considering the proposition of talents a lot lately. Trying to figure out if we all are truly born with "talents" the TV tells us we have when we're children. If these abilities are innate or just the hard work of someone who is used to doing hard work. If you attempt to study for the first time in your life, you'll understand at the rate of a tortoise, but if your studying a completely new subject while going through the process for the 100th time, you'll grasp it at a higher rate (gi

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Framing Hanley - Lollipop Cover

Auto-tuners! One of the best and worst inventions in music history. Having heard Wayne/T-Pain/Timbaland all have shit voices when off the computerencial influence. It isn't even one of those "his voice sounds bad when he speaks because he's conserving it for he entertains" kind of voices, it's a straight up "I'm rough" voice that's thrown out there. Knowing that these people can't really vocalize well within music, I can only imagine the amount of frustration this adds to true vocalists. People

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

The Bravery - Fearless

I relapse like a bitch when it comes to games. Thankfully I've learned to let go of them over the years to the point where it doesn't effect me as much as they used too. Yesterday I went out for a walk for the first time in months, it was rigorous! When I came back my shoulders where hurting, from a walk! I know it's not something to be proud of, but I felt alive, I felt human, and here in reality. Instead of still in a fucking imaginary world where the only pain I feel is the pain of loneliness

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

So I hate...

It's weird, and messed up. But I hate everything. How can anyone possibly hate everything? I'm asking myself how it's possible to even appear hateful in this world. Those that expose anger and fronts constantly do so in the act of "love"; yet they appear to hate more then I do. So how is it that in reality, I end up hating the world more? I "pretend" to be nice yes, I "act" sincere and caring for sure. But I only do it because I honestly don't know how to feel anything like that. I have been put

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Influence

Thinking about the energetic properties of our creative tools brings me to question the purpose of creating media. Many state it as an expression to self, and that everything stops there. That you are merely stating how you feel with your joy, and wish to let go of everything on your mind. What if it influences the mind in a way that further pauses your ability to move forward? I ask because I'm unable to write anything when a smile is on my face. I'm unable to come up with purpose towards words

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Gotta keep writing, gotta keep living

I realized I stopped writing for a bit, it coincides with the current struggles of my life. I've fixed my sleeping habits at least 3 different times this summer, and have broken it 4. But fuck it, I've written about me plenty here so that if anyone was ever to read it they could put together the pieces and figure out why I am the way I am. Although giant chunks of it are not present (IE: My father), I remember writing them down in threads during my earlier years on this board. So while not all i

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Lucandrake

 

Feeling emotional isn't suffecient to commencing action

So you're angry because you managed to ignore the homeless man on your way to work. You're sad because you realized not everyone in your family was upside down frowning as much as they should. Howling at the relentlessness of the children not in America, for opportunity has only been originated in the country of "liberty". Tear full of the heart who tells you to stop punching the bloody love of yours, for the right thing to do is not the thing you wanna do. Expressive and loud for the event of p

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Lucandrake

 

Evolution of Media

I'm beginning to realize more loosely what I want to accomplish. Although fear is still in place, the idea of changing my daily routine to fit a healthy lifestyle is required before I go full force with the plans up ahead. I figure that a man attempting to figure out art, is stuck with the question of self before realizing masterpiece. Ahead of this current challenge of my life, ahead a few years from now, I wish to only see what I should be doing, instead of what I don't want to do. If I see m

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Lucandrake

 

Collapsing like gravity

It's all getting through. All the pain, all the sadness, all the fucking anxiety issues and stress. It's crawling up me like a determined solder aiming to strike down my very heart. I've been craving a "let loose", seriously. Booz, a fucking cig, some weed, anything! It's all crushing my mind at the pace of a recently married rabbit on a bed. I haven't slept well in over a week. I failed one class this past semester. The view of loneliness, despite the family and friends I've made this past year

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Lucandrake

 

Chapter 1: Introduction

I've always realized from the beginning of my time that the mass amount of influences in my life have never been negative. While fear and pain constantly hover over my soul, the people around me have always been filled with the love I crave for to the point of insanity. It's remarkable that a human being raised in a house completely opposite of the casual emo stereotype turn out beyond depressed past the point of teenagehood. It's even more remarkable that this fear and pain I've let inside me,

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

My Spider-Web has cought me yet again.

It's 3 A.M.   I'm in my room yet again, staring at the monitor dreaming of how my life "should" be. I can't get a grip of myself, I'm noticing the paleness of my skin (for the sunlight has only been seen twice this entire week).   I feel like I'm loosing myself again, in my own world where all I do everyday is grind in the imaginary, hope in the dreamworld, and accomplish nothing while gaining the self-portrait of superiority. I'm still a child, I have 2 months left to grow up. But I've been do

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

New Blogs appear clumped, who cares?

It's been over a month since the website went down due to some lame script kiddies. O well, not much happened except the idea of me controlling my emotions :/.   It sounds weird, but I'm depressed as fuck, and I'm not letting it get to me. I can come up with at least 5 different situations in the past month that I just wanted to brake down and cry (my ass off, rivers of tears pouring down my cheeks and disabling human contact for a while), but I never did. It's like all I have to do now is smile

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Essay, 2nd draft

Davis Perez T/R 11:15-12:30 ENC1101 When I scream my agony at the sky the only thing I ever hear is silence! The clouds do nothing but sit idly ignoring me. My pain is a upside down blood fall attempting to grab their attention, I scream “Look at my pain!”, and they laugh. As if their equal amount of added hurt is justice enough to consider me useless and worthless. What is my power? What is the energy that I seek? I can’t find it! It aches crushing all my bones and muscle in my body shouti

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Lucandrake

 

Essay First Draft

Davis Perez ENC1101 T/R 11:15-12:30 If you wish to describe the steps towards world peace a long list of unaccomplished acts begin to enlist themselves on whatever paper you seem to be writing. You have the idea of completely abolishing world hunger. Then you have to take into account the economy, our own man-made system, which is currently struggling to stay afloat of itself (we need a system to decide the level of work and reward towards each other, but the one we have set at the moment s

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Lucandrake

 

rawr

We are told to deal with our struggles and push forward. We are told that fear isn't a character that is meant to destory us, but better us and give us the strength through the experience we are forced to learn through. Happy endings are present in all of our lives, but for every smiling hero there is a despised vilian on the other side, who was ridiculed and stamped with the word "evil". He is now on the center of hatred, but this is where ignorance begins, most people don't realize that just l

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Lucandrake

 

The entire day, my room, my thoughts

As I start writing this, I am currently cleaning my room. This afternoon I woke up tired, depressed, out of thought, and wondering to myself, "What the hell am I doing?".   The only thing I can think of to make me remotely happy at the moment is clean up my room and whatever else in the house that needs to be cleaned.   I feel like a whining kid, constantly screaming at the public and others for all my problems, even though I realized nearly 2 years ago, that they are all MY problems. I always

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

I'm an idiot

How do you survive when every single friend you have, appears to only have one goal in mind, and that's to push walls in every corner conceivable onto you. Imagine being tested day-in, day-out, with a friend that is dating your sister. In his mind he is set for life, living with his mother, and his 23 year old drop out brother, and while he has a job, actually denies hours when they're literally given to him like candy. You want your sister to have someone that is growing every day, not someone

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

I love my twisted ideas

Lets start this up by stating the obvious, I'm not the "Joker", I'm a joker. That is my role in every single story. It's sickening when you think about it. I've played the enemy. I've played the hero. I've played the side character and the teacher himself. But no matter what the situation, I always end up back where I began. Smiling in the back of the crowd to myself, as I watch a play of hypocricy and idiocy react to my doing. I've told both sides information, I've told both sides they've won,

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Journal Chronicles: Part 7 (incomplete)

The day begins with my eyes hovering over the smoke filled sky that's been hidden behind the cliff I'm currently standing on. If I was to turn around I'd see nothing but the grounds act of "poffing" seemlessly as, if to shout the words "Jump" at me. Without hesitation I quickly leap, and as the smoke screen begins to clear up, I regonize the actions and events of present as they unfold. I laugh and seemlessly appear shocked as if surprised by the effects of my causes.             I couldn't fini

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Lucandrake

 

Journal Chronicles: Part 6

The desire to help is in some cases, the emotion of demeaning and above power to the other end. Many however would agree, that the attribute is a plus in any human, and that when the practice is put into effect, both sides benifit. On one hand, you got the emotionless someone become a toy, with the ability to self manipulate its own batteries, the owner of the toy now has a convieniant additions towards the reason of ownership, and a new friend in suddenly realising that mistreatmeant of it will

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Journal Chronicles: Part 5

So...excuses! Lets begin a paper with some. I'm tired. I'm bored. I'm sad. I'm deppressed. I don't feel like it. Maybe if I...., Maybe if I didn't...., Maybe if we..., Maybe if we didn't... what if? When if? Why? Why should I? Why shouldn't I? Maybe later. Maybe tommorow. Maybe next week. Maybe next month. Maybe next year. Maybe next decade. Maybe some other time. I don't know. Tons of more to write on paper! But I won't. You already know all of them anyways, considering you use about 100 at a t

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Journal Chronicles: Part 4

When presenting a case to the employers of mass control, the title "need money for education" is read "Hungry Male/Female/Dog Number XXX-XX-XXXX". Rich swines do not make dough anymore, as the old once did, in the past having a brain, balls, and the courage to never back down was enough to control a mass, now in days the same fools are merely used to counter those that were once put in control. So we wait, those with the 3 attributes, to be given a bone/plate of food, and enough money to buy the

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Journal Chronicles: Part 3

Patience. A act of self-enduring norm, a much need skill in this world of everlasting list of requirments to live. As you open the shower curtain in the morning, to await a drizzle of warm water, patience activates at the sudden notice of the shower head deciding by itself to fire cold instead. The car drive, the finding of the keys if not endured through, another skill activates, one that had I been god would not implant on any human being, annoyance. Soon after activating, requires another int

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

 

Journal Chronicles: Part 2

I slept all night, for the first time in 2 weeks, woke up at 4 a.m., I'm ready for the few days of good sleep up ahead of me, the shift of my internal clock clenging to the thought of opposite solar truths takes but a mere glimpse of reality before sucking me back in to its deranged idea of sun equals moon as the other is believed to be rule as well. I am forever sickened by the thought that in order for me to dream at night( for dreaming in the day is a sub-concious activity)my body requires pi

Lucandrake

Lucandrake

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