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I'm an idiot



How do you survive when every single friend you have, appears to only have one goal in mind, and that's to push walls in every corner conceivable onto you. Imagine being tested day-in, day-out, with a friend that is dating your sister. In his mind he is set for life, living with his mother, and his 23 year old drop out brother, and while he has a job, actually denies hours when they're literally given to him like candy. You want your sister to have someone that is growing every day, not someone who is confined with not having any self-esteem, the way I see it, if you're ok with being fear full to the point that you have no confidence, you're ok with being trash on the floor that has no meaning in purpose or life but to stay alive because they're too female organ to commit suicide. Imagine a friend who just started college again, but as soon as entering the campus doors, the only thing on his mind is female organ and weed. He feels like he's found his love, he feels happy and accomplished, but has yet to prove to you that starting school was done for himself and not the sake of socializing. Not to mention that this friend managed to actually push you over the curve and managed to get you high twice without thought, although I blame myself, I don't want to be nobody in my life and only nobodies get wasted for the sake of running away from life. Imagine a friend that while attractive, cute, and outgoing, available, has failed countless times to grab your attention, on every scale, and anytime you want to do anything with her the only word on your mind is "settle", and I don't fucking settle, it's not my style. Imagine a bunch of online/rl friends, who at one point actually failed all your tests, but now has come back trying to befriend you for attempting to fend off boredom. You know how to play a game, and because of this people always seek you to lead groups, but your tired of playing games, you want to live life, and the games are the only thing that prove to be non-lonely. Last but not least imagine a friend....


Knows how to read you, knows how to inspire you, never gets angry with you, is always content no matter how much effort you put, is ready to help you out if need be, is always there to talk to, and regardless of what happens you feel you'll always be there no matter how low of a support you become....


I have two friends like that, and only one ever talks back to me, one will never push walls on me without reason or intent, the other one regardless of what I do will always have a wall up in my face ready to crush my bones as I squeal like a 2 year old begging for a painless life.


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