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Essay, 2nd draft

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Lucandrake

1,120 views

Davis Perez

T/R

11:15-12:30

ENC1101

When I scream my agony at the sky the only thing I ever hear is silence! The clouds do

nothing but sit idly ignoring me. My pain is a upside down blood fall attempting to grab their

attention, I scream “Look at my pain!”, and they laugh. As if their equal amount of added hurt

is justice enough to consider me useless and worthless. What is my power? What is the energy

that I seek? I can’t find it! It aches crushing all my bones and muscle in my body shouting “Die!”

as my giant care crumbles and collapses on my emotion. It’s not like it matters, I’m already

numb and permanently set to cry. I’m doing nothing but whining and the more I whine the

more it hurts. But according to my current readings, pain is pleasure. My misery is my reason?

flock that! If pain is pleasure then I’ll spend my entire life devoted to finding the power to split

the two. To make my pleasure infinite and my pain riddance from itself and I. We all need to let

our emotions flow to be sane, but in order to evolve instinct demands we control them and tie

them down. It angers me because this arises conflict. One that can not be fixed or settled. So is

my goal to eliminate this conflict? I wish control. I’ have been told that when I no longer want it,

it’ll fall in my hands. My heart is filled with darkness, my intentions are never sane, and my

instincts crave blood and violence. Yet I believe that because I can go days, without my animal

let loose, so can everyone else. Can a world so dark and stupid really learn trust? So I am here

now a day after writing my initial shout, I’m calm now and would to bring up the discussion that

the teacher sprang up a while ago. The discussions brought up the way we as a society work.

How hierarchical system placed upon us centuries ago are still present in our today of

“Freedom”. In this system we are but a triangle, the masses dormant in the bottom. They have

all the power yet none. Security is just shy off a level higher to the public, but they are treated

just the same as dogs. A dog in the streets lying in filth is no different from a dog lying in a rich

man’s house, they’re both being treated like bitches and in that essence neither life is worth

living. A society of independent decision makers will always be more efficient then a society of

followers without will following a power hungry lunatic. I say lunatic because the insane do not

know they are crazy, in fact, conscious awareness of insanity proves your sanity. To those who

ignore it, they are merely running away from instincts. They’re power hungry for obvious

reasons as well. The insane have no power over themselves. The only way to satisfy and justify

the opposite of their true desires (suicide) would be to control that which at one point quite

possibly controlled itself. It’s simple, my mind wants to unleash itself and cure all of their

hatred. I wish to make the world a circle love, a constant motion representing a heart. I’m tried

of seeing pain, hate, depression, madness, insanity, I crave the opposite of all the horrible

things in this world. But how? How do you do it? You can’t have a society where all people have

equal grounding. It’s impossible? If I make a society where Joe, Me, and Bob, have all equal

ground. Then that means that at any time I can steal or murder from and both of them. If it’s

illegal to do so, then that means I need to be judged, how can that be possible if everyone has

equal power? I deem that judge unable to decide my punishment, because thievery and murder

was done through the idea that we are equal in mindset and worth. So just like I respect your

believe to love, respect my belief in reality and accept death as a part of life. I don’t know how

to write an essay in a elegant manner. This current piece is the work of my journal throughout

the period of three days. I hope I did not misunderstand the professor, when he said “Write

without form”. Since this is as uncivilized as I get. The only writing that was edited where the

spelling errors and grammatical errors I could catch on the PC. Personally, I don’t know how this

could help me, I already write like a beast, it’s structure that worries me. My emotions hate

constrictions, so it’s only natural that after writing with all that throughout high school, I’m not

aware of all the “little” things that I should be aware of. I only hope that in the end my writing is

improved and not just….the same. Now that I have got that out of the way, I would like to go

back into the whole “Society should evolve into a circle from a triangle” topic. I posted a few

threads online and asked in a few chat rooms how one could go about transcending a triangle

into a circle. I got a ton of mathematical answers, and I’m sure they where correct, but the way

I see it, they all basically said cut off a line off of the triangle and draw a circle around the line as

that becomes the diameter. Then I said that the question was not mathematical, it was a “Think

outside the box” type. After a series of long listed questions marks and confusion, I received an

odd response. “Get a drill and drill through the middle” said the wisest and oldest programmer

at a favorite forum of mine. The smart ass from that same forum (a different person) stated that I should just cut off the edges and curve it. So I’m thinking now, that the only two answers I

received (that would work) from about two hundred people, where ones that required the

destruction of the triangle in some form. Maybe it’s human nature to destroy before starting

anew. Actually, I’m pretty sure it is. This goes hand-in-hand with what the Author of “The

Culture of Make Believe” was stating in our last exercise. People don’t like to encourage change

unless they are pure themselves, and the sad fact is that no one ever is. I have a lot of hope for

myself in my heart, but for a world that I can rarely ever trust, my hope stays locked in. Call me

selfish, but even though I can wish good and peace for all for all. I feel like I grew too fast and

gave up too quick. Since that wish is nothing more, my acceptance of pain is worth more. Since

this is how I feel, I can only think to myself that the hope I have is a lie, but I feel it as truth, I

just don’t feel it for this nation or for this world.

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I have a different theory. What if you consider it as a creative change instead of destructive? Just for the sake of argument, let's say that at each intersecting point of the triangle, you place the epicenter of an ever-expanding circle, like a ripple. And each time that circle intersects with another line at a contrary angle to it, it starts the epicenter of another ever-expanding circle, and so on and so forth. The triangle will never really become a circle, because it is not in the nature of things to lose their true nature. But it will change form, and expand, as experience changes from and expands. Just like using an infinite series to find the area of a parabolic curve, it will never be exactly perfect, but it will look like a circle, and feel like a circle, so who's to say it's not a circle?

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The thing is (and I'm delving more into the subject today then when I originally wrote this, I even finished reading "The Culture of Make Believe", a book I recommend anybody courageous enough to go through with an open mind) that we, I believe, are beings with our roots implanted as a circle (not a triangle). But it does sound like a good "first step", for society itself. The only problem I'd have with that direction of yours, is the idea that at the end we're still pretty much lying to ourselves. Perfection isn't out of reach (in my eyes, the out of reach only put themselves there after you state it so), so why not aim for the real thing? I don't mean destroy the triangle, I mean discover a way (just like we tend to do) to completely make society stop favoring hate and production over love and creativity. But hey, I'm not rich. I've never been in the position of deciding a fatter bank account over 1,000 lives.

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