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Found 20 results

  1. I've been considering the proposition of talents a lot lately. Trying to figure out if we all are truly born with "talents" the TV tells us we have when we're children. If these abilities are innate or just the hard work of someone who is used to doing hard work. If you attempt to study for the first time in your life, you'll understand at the rate of a tortoise, but if your studying a completely new subject while going through the process for the 100th time, you'll grasp it at a higher rate (giving off the illusion that your a natural). So lets assume that it is innate, and that the A stud
  2. I relapse like a bitch when it comes to games. Thankfully I've learned to let go of them over the years to the point where it doesn't effect me as much as they used too. Yesterday I went out for a walk for the first time in months, it was rigorous! When I came back my shoulders where hurting, from a walk! I know it's not something to be proud of, but I felt alive, I felt human, and here in reality. Instead of still in a fucking imaginary world where the only pain I feel is the pain of loneliness. I'm not saying I feel lonely on this board, hell this board has helped me so much through out the
  3. Lucandrake

    So I hate...

    It's weird, and messed up. But I hate everything. How can anyone possibly hate everything? I'm asking myself how it's possible to even appear hateful in this world. Those that expose anger and fronts constantly do so in the act of "love"; yet they appear to hate more then I do. So how is it that in reality, I end up hating the world more? I "pretend" to be nice yes, I "act" sincere and caring for sure. But I only do it because I honestly don't know how to feel anything like that. I have been put in situations where I am unaware of causing pain until the person I'm facing has been brought to te
  4. Lucandrake

    Influence

    Thinking about the energetic properties of our creative tools brings me to question the purpose of creating media. Many state it as an expression to self, and that everything stops there. That you are merely stating how you feel with your joy, and wish to let go of everything on your mind. What if it influences the mind in a way that further pauses your ability to move forward? I ask because I'm unable to write anything when a smile is on my face. I'm unable to come up with purpose towards words, unable to create sentences that sound about myself, and unable to express anything (for I feel no
  5. So you're angry because you managed to ignore the homeless man on your way to work. You're sad because you realized not everyone in your family was upside down frowning as much as they should. Howling at the relentlessness of the children not in America, for opportunity has only been originated in the country of "liberty". Tear full of the heart who tells you to stop punching the bloody love of yours, for the right thing to do is not the thing you wanna do. Expressive and loud for the event of punishment at an innocent man (for we are all born "innocent). You feel hurt, you wish release, but p
  6. It's all getting through. All the pain, all the sadness, all the fucking anxiety issues and stress. It's crawling up me like a determined solder aiming to strike down my very heart. I've been craving a "let loose", seriously. Booz, a fucking cig, some weed, anything! It's all crushing my mind at the pace of a recently married rabbit on a bed. I haven't slept well in over a week. I failed one class this past semester. The view of loneliness, despite the family and friends I've made this past year, doesn't want to go the fuck away. I've been holding back tears for the past two months, and the on
  7. Davis Perez T/R 11:15-12:30 ENC1101 When I scream my agony at the sky the only thing I ever hear is silence! The clouds do nothing but sit idly ignoring me. My pain is a upside down blood fall attempting to grab their attention, I scream “Look at my pain!”, and they laugh. As if their equal amount of added hurt is justice enough to consider me useless and worthless. What is my power? What is the energy that I seek? I can’t find it! It aches crushing all my bones and muscle in my body shouting “Die!” as my giant care crumbles and collapses on my emotion. It’s not like it matters, I’m alre
  8. As I start writing this, I am currently cleaning my room. This afternoon I woke up tired, depressed, out of thought, and wondering to myself, "What the hell am I doing?". The only thing I can think of to make me remotely happy at the moment is clean up my room and whatever else in the house that needs to be cleaned. I feel like a whining kid, constantly screaming at the public and others for all my problems, even though I realized nearly 2 years ago, that they are all MY problems. I always ask myself why in stories certain characters, certain main characters, always have a "Push" on their
  9. Lucandrake

    I'm an idiot

    How do you survive when every single friend you have, appears to only have one goal in mind, and that's to push walls in every corner conceivable onto you. Imagine being tested day-in, day-out, with a friend that is dating your sister. In his mind he is set for life, living with his mother, and his 23 year old drop out brother, and while he has a job, actually denies hours when they're literally given to him like candy. You want your sister to have someone that is growing every day, not someone who is confined with not having any self-esteem, the way I see it, if you're ok with being fear full
  10. The day begins with my eyes hovering over the smoke filled sky that's been hidden behind the cliff I'm currently standing on. If I was to turn around I'd see nothing but the grounds act of "poffing" seemlessly as, if to shout the words "Jump" at me. Without hesitation I quickly leap, and as the smoke screen begins to clear up, I regonize the actions and events of present as they unfold. I laugh and seemlessly appear shocked as if surprised by the effects of my causes. I couldn't finish this for some reason, I just stopped writing and before I knew it I was on to a new page.
  11. The desire to help is in some cases, the emotion of demeaning and above power to the other end. Many however would agree, that the attribute is a plus in any human, and that when the practice is put into effect, both sides benifit. On one hand, you got the emotionless someone become a toy, with the ability to self manipulate its own batteries, the owner of the toy now has a convieniant additions towards the reason of ownership, and a new friend in suddenly realising that mistreatmeant of it will only result in the departure of said toy. Why is it that the living is easy to treat right, but in
  12. So...excuses! Lets begin a paper with some. I'm tired. I'm bored. I'm sad. I'm deppressed. I don't feel like it. Maybe if I...., Maybe if I didn't...., Maybe if we..., Maybe if we didn't... what if? When if? Why? Why should I? Why shouldn't I? Maybe later. Maybe tommorow. Maybe next week. Maybe next month. Maybe next year. Maybe next decade. Maybe some other time. I don't know. Tons of more to write on paper! But I won't. You already know all of them anyways, considering you use about 100 at a time every day.
  13. When presenting a case to the employers of mass control, the title "need money for education" is read "Hungry Male/Female/Dog Number XXX-XX-XXXX". Rich swines do not make dough anymore, as the old once did, in the past having a brain, balls, and the courage to never back down was enough to control a mass, now in days the same fools are merely used to counter those that were once put in control. So we wait, those with the 3 attributes, to be given a bone/plate of food, and enough money to buy the books others have had in their shelves for centuraies. In that act you either shut of your brain or
  14. Patience. A act of self-enduring norm, a much need skill in this world of everlasting list of requirments to live. As you open the shower curtain in the morning, to await a drizzle of warm water, patience activates at the sudden notice of the shower head deciding by itself to fire cold instead. The car drive, the finding of the keys if not endured through, another skill activates, one that had I been god would not implant on any human being, annoyance. Soon after activating, requires another interview with patience, for at that moment you need to calm, and upon choosing not to do so, your life
  15. I slept all night, for the first time in 2 weeks, woke up at 4 a.m., I'm ready for the few days of good sleep up ahead of me, the shift of my internal clock clenging to the thought of opposite solar truths takes but a mere glimpse of reality before sucking me back in to its deranged idea of sun equals moon as the other is believed to be rule as well. I am forever sickened by the thought that in order for me to dream at night( for dreaming in the day is a sub-concious activity)my body requires pills. In taking those pills it attracts itself to the effect like a 5 year old with his mother, and t
  16. Let's start this year off in a much different form of button maching then ever so-previously. For starters, write, write as much as possible, whenever possible, excel your limits of limitless emotion on paper, and forever carge your brilliant mind inside the collector journals of soon. Scratch deppression, be sad, but to the point of pain. Jump in one dark, and for the week(s) to come you'll spend your effort climbing out. Spell! Corret what others misspell, correct what you missepll, hoever true English is brought up by genius with mass-emotion, brainless dickheads care no more for brilliance
  17. So, all through out this fall semister, I've been doing random writings in my journal(s), which I've decided to throw down here to see myself in a different tone. 2 months is a long time, I'm happy it is too, it means time is slowing down again compared to high school, who the hell wants to live life from today to tommorow? This is just the intro, the good crap is in the next entry.
  18. Lucandrake

    I'm bamboozled.

    My mind is a con-artist and I am the consumer awaiting it's next product. As pain full as it is to bear the thought of the unknown, I'm starting to smile before reaching walls filled with blind dust, had these walls been in an RPG then they would be the most broken thing in the game for as soon as you encounter them the screen goes black until defeated. That's how the future feels, and in that emotion I wrote down some things I'd like to accomplish before death himself stares at me in the eye, and shakes his head in despair. Having had a heart as strong as mine, he'd recent the fact that my ti
  19. Lucandrake

    I can't sleep

    It's 4 a.m, I have yet to complete my Math homework and because of this I am unable to sleep. I am also unable to begin my Math homework because any time I begin to do any form of remote work I get so pissed in knowing that after I'm done with this bullshit I have another pile waiting for me tomorrow! What's the point anyway? Even when I'm doing the things I love (IE: Writing, anything Video-Game related) it doesn't advance me in any other way besides the "Road" put down by man himself, and when I think about that, all I see coming out of my head is that fact that no matter how you see yoursel
  20. I'm amazed at how fast summer flew by. The few tricks I've learned a long the way, and how the emotion of "awesome" sitting in my heart for opening my eyes to new abilities and tricks I never knew I possessed. Now I'm left with a decision, a choice, to either give it my all or stay chill as I've always ever been. Do I stay wearing my mask? Appear tired when the race merely started? Or do I go ahead and munch at my brain, and force it to work, and better itself as a human being to further prepare myself for the even harsher road impeded upon me in the later years. Questions, that is all I have
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