emsley

I think this thread should be locked now that the power of 1emu has fixed the problem of earthquakes. Vinnie! lol

Im gonna write this in "old fashioned bloke" terms and show and Prove to you that on-line dating is mostly black and white in nature. No over analysing, no "PUA" stuff just good old fashioned horse power. This first statement will shock you rigid so prepare your self for something so unexpected that you puke in your grandmas face. Nobody gives a shit about on-line dating. First of all us guys like to believe that "money" is not important and that "personality" is, and the same can be said for women - if this was "true" i would have 18 super models hanging off my arm, my phone would never stop ringing, rich birds would flock to me to "buy me." Bullshit - it only goes so far you need the cherry on the top which is a stable well paid job. I have only ever know one exception to this - I met a chick and never followed up as she lived too far away - then silly bastard here found out that her father was a millionaire. Now is that me gold digging? Yup. Ok here is a POF profile that wont get you anyplace with a reasoanbile woman: Tagline: Desperate sad and lonely Gareth seeks soul mate ;( Hi - I am fat and overweight, I get sad and mopy all the time and never get a bath - my fingers constantly smell like cheesy crisps. Im currently on state benefits and living at home with my mother im 32. Interests: Internet pornography - hentai - dragonball - my seven cats. No self respecting attractive woman is gonna even look at his profile, or if a message is received unless he is gunning for really fat women or women with 56 kids then his chances are practicly zero. WHO THE HELL WANTS AN UGLY CHICK? Not me! So these "pretty" women - why do they go on plenty of fish? here are my top few reasons for "pretty" women going on dating sites. (note i ignore chubby girls and women with 6 kids i think im worth it if any woman is getting upset about guys thinking they are worth a lucker... dont mail me;) im not been a cunt here im just explaining to you my side of the fence. 1. She is lame - underneath her beauty she is boring, unimaginative, insecure, and "unsure" used to guys kissing her ass. I mean some of the "pretty" ones they are waiting for MR UNBELIEVABLE! Hank maloon: Hi I fly fighter jets, drive a porche really fast, have a villa in tunisia and shares in most worthy things in the world - in my spare time I COME ON PLENTY OF FISH! And message girls like you which I could attract in a 10 seconds flat any place I go. WAKE UP IDIOT A GUY LIKE THIS IS NOT ON PLENTY OF FISH! James bond masters do not "go on plenty of fish" James bond masters don't even go on "pay" sites. 2. She is highly attractive and highly confident - these are normally ex "bar scags" they got tired at the age of 23 and up of having there way with everything getting drugged up and getting her brains ploughed out - now she realises its time to "settle" this types of chicks come with baggage, a history that would make a prostitute blush, and often one child. Will be a complete bitch in any approach or will simply ignore messages. (which I don't send to them) these types of girls will always say "Looking for a GREAT looking guy" must be tall, must have a job, must have a car, must have... blah blah blah shut the hell up already we know you're selling your body because life hit you , and it sucks - guess what? Men initally go for LOOKS get over it its the way of the world just like you go for money, looks, height, and a reasonable personality. (Awesome personalitys need not apply) 3. The "i accidentaly had 4 kids now im seriously fucked" type. This one I can assure you is set in STONE the requirements: She will still have her looks in the face but the body may require hours if not months in the gym lol This is what she is waiting for: A funny guy, looks not a necessity, down to earth (you'd fucking have to be with 4 kids screaming) steady job-does not have to pay a lot but 30,000k is pretty reasonable don't worry when you tell her what you work as she will immediately search up pay rates for this type of work) you are permitted children of your own as long as it does not inter fear with her life and her milking the shit out of you - she cant work she has 4 kids. The ones with ONE kid bypass this rule and you always have a shot at a chick with just one kid online regardless of your work background - she can always "train you" and you will always "see sense" Sorry love you made the wrong choice before and you'll do it again, your on your own - and unless its the apocolypse i ain't helping you. 4. Butterfly brain. Why are you even trying? 5. The attention whore. The really dolled up im in to the "club" scene fast cars, drugs, and danger. requirements: Oh god I am so hot and young - requirements: Chizzled looks, cash and lots of it, must be thrilling to be around, (i can give her thrilling but she wont like the idea that me punching her in the face is my idea of a good time) You are not permitted to move or show a perosnality while she is looking at you - you have to be the flawless victory for her. dont move - hold it - hold it - hold it - hold it - oh you failed she saw a spot on your forhead in one of your pictures better luck next time loser!!!!!!!!!! (don't worry these revert back to type 2) these women are as good as on-line prostitutes. 6. The church girl. Ha! these are my favourite types you can actually do something with these. There is a chance she will be a virgin but probably not - personality's are as wooden as a pirate ships plank of death. If all you do is smile and have rainbows flying out of your imagination you will go a long way, additionally change your relegion to hers THEN message her. a great way of tricking her (alls fair in love and war) when you meet her its like your walking round with white robes around each other - tell her the bible states a woman should be "quiet" and respect her man for eve was the one who gave in to temptation. Then you can finger bang her ass in waiting lines in busy shops and turn her in a little whore! WIN! 7. The "Im not attractive but I think I am chick" These ones are fucking deranged - message them all you want - they steal quick ego boosts off you then this reaffirms their reality and they carry on in the never ending loops of been lonely. They are often slightly overweight - dolled up - and pugly - they are too proud to "mail you" and when you do "its about time" now your gonna pay your gonna pay so fucking bad for ignoring her beauty and power your gonna have to work your ass off to keep her so she KNOWS your mr right. Requirments are the same as number 3. 8. The rare catch. This MIGHT happen - everything is balanced correctly - personality's meet perfectly - money is not an issue you both "really" like each other. (this happens a couple of times a year if your doing stuff right) in the meantime keep your porn collection healthy, dont settle for second best , and be patient. Emsely.

Jebodiah go and fetch your sister im feeling a little horny!

Yeah I started to go wtf? Next time it will be "Hey I just bought this you should check it out!"

Well according to the cans art work it blows corks of moonshine bottles - cant be good for you.

I dug a basement i am ready!

Taken with that dude from start wars. This is the movie: Im going to beat EVERYONE up. And he does - it was awesome. Rich guys buying women - i think thats how it should be. Edit: oh that is how it is.

How the hell do you go from hacking Iphones to PS3 units?

quadrophenia - "We are the mods we are the mods!! oh eh oh eh we are the mods!" I felt sorry for the lead charecter and the super hot girl abusing him - he should or ran her over with his scooter.

Just Pro Evo 2010 Got a good team now kicking ass , Im getting a couple of new games this Wednesday.

Yup soon as I saw you tat I hit it up on youtube but i had a head start with facebook. The setting for the video looks like Chernobyl with lost children.

Please elaborate.

1emu has become lazy.

They say drinking is a way to die But at the end... Dying is a way to drink

Zelda aint zelda no more vin - you'll see soon enough.

If its good sauce and the guy can be assed then its done. No modchip?

Thats one bad motherfucker right there.

^ Ouch, punch your neighbour in the face to ease your frustrations if he gives you any lip tell him to love thy neighbour.

YATTA!

You make me want to pee pee dance for this game, roll on next wednesday.

Duh emsley dont i just look like a dolt. lol

He touched her perfect un spoiled body... Dam!

Dunno Aki im put of for life now after this im just gonna get logitech pad.

"Go ninja!"

You may have seen the movie teenage mutant ninja turtles 2 - well in this movie is a famous (well kinda) scene where Vanilla ice performs his "ninja song" and the turtles and the party go wild and the people become awesome in Vanillas wizardry. I couldn't help but notice some crazy ass dance moves - and the intro to the song which if i screwed around with it might deliver some form of hilarity or a fail. It worked for me. This is probably best watched drunk or stoned - or both.