emsley Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Enlighten me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krosigrim Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 Hmmm the light version... how do I do this... I have had no motivation... at all. I lost all will to live. I merely existed, rather than lived. I just didnt feel like doing what was necessary. Id rather have just sat on my ass and work at a crap job that was easy, than going to bed on time and working at finding a new job. I have made a series... no an avalanch of mistakes and just didnt care to do what was needed. I was lonly. Alone and just didnt care enough anymore. My turning point was 2 weeks ago or so. My long lost sister found me. Long story too. Anyway, she, through her kindness, sweetness, basically our deep connection that I long forgot about has renued me. I have returned with a vengance. I am now who I was suposed to be. For it was like I had to try to be myself. I feel unlocked, unsealed, renwed. I now have the desire to do what needs to be done. Work wherever I have to to get that money rolling in. Go to bed early if I have to. Start drawing again, get in shape, look toward a career... I have been in positions where I start to do what is right, then I drop the ball. This time is different. I want to do what is right... and I want to make her happy too, by being happy myslef. By not being a blemish on the world. Not that she sees that... but you get my meaning. Most people will never get this opportunity, or be in a position of absolute love that I am in. So therefore, I feel like I cheated life, or that I have an unfair advantage. What it will take for ANYONE to suceed, is desire. I have found it. And now the world will change before me. No longer am I Khodumadurno. A being that devours everything in its path, including the path itself. I am transending paths alltogether. The path doesnt really exist... except behind me. It's gonna be an amazing ride. Brother, I hope you find your motivation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emsley Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 With out love I am half human, with out love Im all machine - Johnny cash. This is my exact problem, two years ago I had the girl I loved more than anything, she was my desire, my burn, my heart, my will, my reason.And it went wrong. Since all that happened to me i have been emptie, alone, and most importantly of all un-loved. I want to love her as much as she loves me andwithout im half emptie. The fuel is not there anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inky Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emsley Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 hahahaha its true! what do you want me to say, I know whats wrong with me. hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krosigrim Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 ROFL @ Inky No but really. I was there. The thing is, you gotta do things for you, not someone else. How can you support someone emotionally, when you can support yourself. Family is different. And Im sure there are plenty of relationships that are different too. But significant others can fail you, and you can fail them. Blood is blood, so it's different. I was burned pretty damn bad man. I wasn't the best BF... but EM really flocked up. Destroyed my ass man. I went to hell... which actually wasnt far off. Got some help, crap happened and had to move. That crap fell through, and here I am again on the verge of distruction. Had help along the way, but I just couldn't get it together. I have no answers for you, only questions. You gotta find the answers yourself. Do you want to do better? Do you want to feel good about yourself? Do you want to eat steak at least twice a week??? If so... what the hell, ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? That simple. Me? Im skipping town. Breaking the oroborous.. oborobus? Id google it but F' it. Im done with the endless loop of BS. Im breaking the chain. But im a lucky one. Thats why I feel kinda bad... for others that is... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybarite Paladin AxL Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I'm in the exact same spot as Will here, only I'm still existing parasitically on my parents' wallet, so it's good. I still have no plans or motivation, I'd rather play/drink/smoke all day. If one day I disappear from this forum completely, you'd have a story to tell. "I once met an awesome, handsome, exemplar of a dude from Romania. He's a hobo now tho." And it's spelled "ouroboros" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inky Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 aren't ouroboros the people create racial genocide on in RE5?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emsley Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I have had a bad few weeks, my uncle killed him self and his kids found him, I split with a girl I had absaloutly no attractionfor but just gave her six months of my life, find out my EX- has just given birth, then my sister had her baby very early had that on my plate and its only just turned out that evety thing is going to be ok, so while all this was going on I looked at my self. I dont want to be "the man" I just want to be me and true to my self, i dont care for money (though it is nice to have) so I decided to find the root of the problem and I discovered its the feeling of not loving someone that is causing it, call me a homo, a fag, or whatever, my days of kicking ass and yelling at people are done. I also figured out that holding on to old love is like storing rotting flesh in your sole it destroys you, i tried to hate, but that was useless too. I think acceptance is the most important part here for me. It was the hurt, with out a good apologie that got me, who the hell do they think they are? (women i mean) Im left without excuses and that's what really annoys me. Would hurt for someone to say "Hey I have been a totall genitalia I openly admitt what i did wrong to you and it really was my entire fault? They are too stupid to give a real apologie. No I got arrested slammed in flocking jail, and had two years of bullshit supervision where by im the insane one with the problems i was left with nothing but a hole in my head and a heart ripped out and shoved in the dirt. I look back and all the cunts who are willing to walk all over you still get furthest in life, not me im been true to my self from now on its my way or the highway. Well rant and gayness over, back to ass kicking. ;0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krosigrim Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 Hmmm this feels fimilar. I don't know what some of that feels like, but most of it... yes. Yea for me, not having someone to love did its toll. Something that adds to that, was when I had someone to love, they betrayed me, or did me wrong. I have had alot of bad relationships. You gotta try and do things for yourself. Then perhaps you will be happy enough to make someone else happy. How can one make someone happy, truly happy... if they arent happy themselves, but meerly reflecting what it is they desire themselves, but still have their walls that ultimately shuts others out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hera Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I relate to much of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now