Sybarite Paladin AxL Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I'm pissed because we had a good thing going, she changed up on me almost overnight, became inhumanly cold toward me, and from that point we have hardly said 2 words to each other. I'm angry because all of a sudden she started treating me as though I murdered her parents or something. Have you ever blamed yourself about this? Because I believe it's what's causing the real grief. Questions like "what have I done to her?" or "was there something I said?" kept popping up in your head. But it's not your fault bro, you should let it go. Women are weird for one thing. Maybe she got cold feet, wasn't ready for such a strong relationship, had some jealous friends who convinced her to dump you or whatever. I'm just assuming based on the limited info I have. Anyway, it's time to let it all go away in my opinion. It might just have to remain one of your life's mysteries. You could leave it at that or go confront her about it, I suppose, which would help you a lot more anyway. Knowing what happened, if it was you indeed (which I highly doubt), than maybe you could use this to your advantage and not repeat the same thing with May. edit: lol, hijacked Fatal's thread, hehe.
Salorskin Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Axl -- your advice is naively optimistic. To avoid any sort of embarrassment confrontation should be the last thing on one's mind, and it could leave his love interest resenting BK as much as he resents Ms. May. My original post was out of control in length, but I explain my situation, how it was handled, and the outcome. The similarities are there, perhaps not every single detail but for the most part it was a semi lengthy relationship with a female that already had a boyfriend. Here's the more important excerpt: ...keep jealousy at bay. Her boyfriend is of no concern to you, you didn't even hear about the guy until recently... and though I don't know her, I highly doubt she would be pathetic enough to invent some imaginary dude in order to make you jealous. It's possible that she had intended to keep something like a boyfriend a secret since she probably felt you would treat her or act differently which would create an awkward tension… but honestly, I wouldn’t look too deeply into it. As for being second best… feeling someone out while in a relationship (which females are notorious for) doesn't equate to the person of interest being second best -- it's either due to an attachment to the person they're in the obvious failure of a relationship with or because they need to feel an assurance that there's someone sticking around for them and they won‘t be alone. As Ryan said, if it's causing emotional turmoil or too much uncertainty, walk away. Otherwise, return things to the way they were prior to your learning of her relationship. If it doesn't seem to be working out, you need to walk away and find someone else. But I will add that besides awkward tension there may be a fear of BK running away again. Blunt yet harsh is the way relationships go, and that's the way advice should be given. Note: I actually do have an extensive amount of experience in this type of situation as a lot of the women I have fooled around with or been romantically entangled with had a significant other of some kind.
Skythe Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 This thread was heading towards Epic Win then turned to Epic Fail real quick.
Sybarite Paladin AxL Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Well, that may be so, granted, you guys have more experience than me anyway, not contesting that. But I found that it has always worked for me to be honest and willing to talk about it. Your advice gives me the impression that it might leave unresolved issues and would further enrage BK really. I'm saying since I've studying a bit of psychology on my own after some sessions with a therapist and found it helps me a great deal in many aspects of my social life. That's just me, of course. I advised the same thing, don't bother with her other dude, if indeed she has one. Your main concern is building your relationship with her. I especially agree on what you said about the fact that they need assurance, it's almost always the case, since it overwrites any leftover attachments they might have for their initial relationship. I can't agree with you on the "blunt and harsh" bit. I choose to be softer with girls and it's working out great.I also can't agree with you on the confrontation bit, simply because, through psychology I've come to realise that guys fear any sort of arguement and that they would rather quit than fight for it. That's sad really, and it's what galvanized my previous response. It's because most guys think an arguement automatically equates to screaming, yelling and lots of sh!t being said. That's wrong. BK says he connects with her on all levels, which means that she has the ability to have a calm, rational arguement, which almost always leads to resolved problems. Just my 2 cents.
Fatal Rose Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 This thread was heading towards Epic Win then turned to Epic Fail real quick. How is this leading to epic fail, Skythe? Well, that may be so, granted, you guys have more experience than me anyway, not contesting that. But I found that it has always worked for me to be honest and willing to talk about it. Your advice gives me the impression that it might leave unresolved issues and would further enrage BK really. I'm saying since I've studying a bit of psychology on my own after some sessions with a therapist and found it helps me a great deal in many aspects of my social life. That's just me, of course. I advised the same thing, don't bother with her other dude, if indeed she has one. Your main concern is building your relationship with her. I especially agree on what you said about the fact that they need assurance, it's almost always the case, since it overwrites any leftover attachments they might have for their initial relationship. I can't agree with you on the "blunt and harsh" bit. I choose to be softer with girls and it's working out great.I also can't agree with you on the confrontation bit, simply because, through psychology I've come to realise that guys fear any sort of arguement and that they would rather quit than fight for it. That's sad really, and it's what galvanized my previous response. It's because most guys think an arguement automatically equates to screaming, yelling and lots of sh!t being said. That's wrong. BK says he connects with her on all levels, which means that she has the ability to have a calm, rational arguement, which almost always leads to resolved problems. Just my 2 cents. Rather then confront it's best to learn what her feelings are for him. I don't think Salorskin's advice against a confrontation is to avoid an argument. He probably means to keep away from the "why not choose me?" situation which, if has a negative outcome, leads to embarrassment, at times further resentment, and makes you look like a little b****.
Fatal Rose Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 um... Is this for real?As real as it gets...
Salorskin Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Alright, I have a question -- This girl at work and I have become very close. There's some attraction mixed in, but most of the time we just talk about relationship issues, joke, pretty much have fun. She has told me a few times that she wants to go to a club with me and even asked me to the movies once (she stated that she had to go to bed before I clocked off since she needed to wake up at five). Should I subtly pursue anything or should I just go with the motions?
BlackKnight Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Unless you have a good reason not to, then sure go for it? Seems like the two of you get on pretty well.
Fatal Rose Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Alright, I have a question -- This girl at work and I have become very close. There's some attraction mixed in, but most of the time we just talk about relationship issues, joke, pretty much have fun. She has told me a few times that she wants to go to a club with me and even asked me to the movies once (she stated that she had to go to bed before I clocked off since she needed to wake up at five). Should I subtly pursue anything or should I just go with the motions? Throw some flirts in here and there, just try not to make things to painfully obvious. But for sure invite her out with us to a club or to a bar to have a few drinks. I will hype you up the whole night and make you sound like a Greek God.
Skythe Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 How is this leading to epic fail, Skythe? Last I recalled, there's only one Fatal Rose on this board.
Salorskin Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 HAHA guess who wants to have a night on the town with me?
Fatal Rose Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 HAHA guess who wants to have a night on the town with me?GameCop?;-P
Salorskin Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 HAHA guess who wants to have a night on the town with me?GameCop?;-P Stephanie.
cody56 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Wow, I'd really love to get some help from here but it'd be kinda weird to talk in a public forum.
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