emsley

did you see the bit were the "boss" ties her up to the train track? They left an out take in? They must have been laughing their asses of when making this.

armed with a cactus! shock and awe baby shock and awe here i come!

Ok this convo started on facebook - I had been drinking and was pretty wasted so I stirred some shit up on a political partys page I just put "You're all the same you all let us down you morons." As you can probably tell I instantly received a million death threats! One conversation was of a particular highlight here it is: (This was her name she was at least 45 with her tits half hanging out of her top) English lady: your views are not welcome you jerkoff. Uneducated f*ckwit Me: degree is psychology says I am you fucking turn belt cunt accept the fact your wasted and this country is dead. ALL HOPE IS GONE. NO PLACE LEFT TO RUN! (I'm drunk I dont give a shit just firing it off) English lady: shut up stupid (I did not reply I was winding some other guy up) English Lady: it's a good job the brave men who fought in WW1 and 11 to save your arse didn't take that attitude. Now belt up and fk off (I still did not reply she was biting like a dog with rabies) English Lady: you have no degree. You can't even spell. And you don't kinow MY qualifications idiot. Now do as you're told fuckwit and GET THE HELL OUT (Uh oh shes on to me better think fast! But before I can reply shock and horror CAPS LOCK INSULT MOTHERFUCKER ) English lady: YOU ARE THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THE GUTLESS WONDERS THIS GOVERNMENT HAS SPAWNED. YOU ARE USELESS AND NOT HALF THE MAN THAT HENRY ALLINGHAM WAS, NOT EVEN A FRACTION. DEGREE MY ASS! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE BASIC INTELLIGENCE. (Omg no wei its like she has known me her whole life! but wait she STILL has MORE to say!) English Lady: Bet you don't even know who Henry Allingham was ignorant twat. You won't beat me in a battle of wills. I enjoy making mincemeat out of twats like you so carry on and you will give me the pleasure. (By now Im looking out of one EYE wondering how I even started this conversation) Me: "Kinow" what the fuck is Kinow? I know i make typos often but that's my problem... Omg your almost as redundant as your political agenda! (Bare in mind my avatar is of a terroist out of the movie "TEAM AMERICA!" English Lady: Haven't even read your mind-vomit. I told you before. Fk off YOU WON'T WIN but we will and then you will choke on your own crap. I've eaten bigger men than you for breakfast. (She has eaten BIGGER men than me for breakfast! She must get hungry!!) Me:"choke on my own crap?" Holy fuck! You're not doing a very good job for your party! (as in bunch on noobs who will never get in power and even if they did no on would give a fuck!) Come and get it man eater! English lady: I am not indulging you any further fuckwit. Go and get yourself some medical help tomorrow. Not even reading your crap now. Can't be arsed. Like I said, you won't beat me. You haven't and you DON'T LIKE IT. Now I shall not be replying anymore, just deleting. Now fuck off. (Allready did!) Me: Dude you got to wash the sand out of your vagina... By the way flashing your tits does nothing for you in attracting a man of power you may have been hurt in hte past but hanging with guys like this... You're so cute! dumbass! DEFEATED! OHJHHHH TEH EMSLEY! English lady: and hitting the delete button without reading. Now off to bed you go... you might not be up in time for your paper round. Told you, you will not defeat me. Each message you send I delete. I just saw the word "defeated" on the top line and assume you think I am defeated. Not so. Keep sending. I keep deleting. We're all in hysterics here. You're making yourself look the twat you are. Keep it up. It's hilarious! xxx (Yeah I know I'm funny!) Me: wash twice daily with soap! (I now pass out and sleep) Now I cut the convo dead or she does or whatever and For NO REASON i just start it up again the next day! Me:will you be my friend? the reason im such a jerk is that i was abused when i was a child and i express my anger to people i think will understand. x (Props to MADDOX FOR THE SUCKER REPLY!) English lady: Why do you want me to be your friend all of a sudden? Why the change of heart? (not even an eyebrow rasied at me been molested as a child I notice) Me: becasue you helped me see that I was an abusive jerk. English lady: I have absolutely no problem with you if you show me - and others - respect. People will get defensive if you attack them. Speak to them in a reasoned way and you'll have no problem. You can contribute to our page if you want to raise a valid question or make a point but you can do it without being abusive. You obviously can do it, as can be seen above. Me: So will you be my friend? English lady: on the proviso that I can just block you if you become abusive again? I am actually a kind and compassionate person but also have a short fuse when people are rude and attack me, my family, my party or my country. We are all working hard behind the scenes to put things right and are really the only party run by the people of England for the people of England.I am old enough to remember how this country used to be and it is very sad to see what has happened to it. And we all owe it to the men and women whose lives were devastated by two world wars, to make sure they did not do what they did in vain. Didn't die in vain; weren't injured in vain. I just want you to understand that. I would also like to know why you would like to add me as a friend. I am much older than you I think, for a start - and very political. (BLAH BLAH SHUT THE HELL UP! I CAN SEE YOUR PRO POLITIC YOU DONT SHUT UP YAPPING!) Me: Just kidding gearbox! I dont want to be your friend! I'm a total bad ass! FELLS GOOD TO WIN HUH! YOU LIKE THAT TWO IN THE MOUTH!! OH YEAAAAAH!!!!!! Oh man Im so FREAKING genetically superior!!!! REMEMBER ME one day I will be ruling you! English Lady: sorry darling, still haven't won. Haven't frightened or upset me, haven't intimidated me. Just made me see what a freak you really are. You don't have to convince me. You are obsessed with winning though. Still seek that psychiatric help I suggested.. You are in dire need of it. HAVEN'T WON AT ALL AND YOU KNOW IT. THIS IS THE LAST WORD, YOU WILL NOT HEAR FROM ME AGAIN AND I WILL BE USING THE DELETE BUTTON. (With the mighty CAP REPLY I SHUDDER IN FEAR!) Me: I think you need a good old pogo stick session, the old in and out will do wonders for your crabby attitude. I know plenty of blind people who will offer help. HAHAHAHHA! OMG! IM GOING TO CUM! TEH END!!!! TA DAAAAA!

Social services should be to blame not the mother! Doctors even - it's well documented women are vunreble to mental health issues after birth.

makes me want to get out my rape kit.

Supah....... MaRn!

smells like motherboard! annoying fuckers they are!

Or push her down hills.

get a RAM tester! Notsure where a good one is i have not used it for ages - butsoon will be having to test my machine all over the shop it too is been a whore.

Precise!

iron man and the wizard of stuff what an option!

delorean = win.

you are not 80s bitchis! I challenge you to not get motivated by this! DRAGOOOOOO!

I'm on vista - this sucks - recently started booting up then taking longer than normal - then i got a few freezes on "welcome" screen. Cant overhall the bitch till next week as i need a fat pipe connection not a shitty wirless connection that i have now, any advice to just patch it for a week that will have some effect? Halp!

Go Ry - Ry GO! Here is a song that motivates me to destroy my self -

jury still out on the gamecop pic!

Ok just pass your pillow/

I cut myself over one of your posts!

Why did this thread go down a star after I posted A picture of me?

I agree - maybe we could tag team her and make her pay some big money? I don't want my wallet to have the stench of fucking ugly all over it. What doooz ugly smell liyk?

Why would you want to do this? You're asking the wrong question! Just do it! How to irritate your girlfriend. 1. Call her by the dogs name when she does something nice to you – even if the dog has a dudes name. Make it an ongoing “I’m sorry it just slipped out” kind of thing. 2. Take time out to use her hair brush for grooming the dog – If she won’t stop using your razor this is about fair in my book – don’t ever take the dogs hairs out after you have brushed him – make sure she finds it! 3. Get a pretend crush on a celebrity she hates (preferably female) when she says: Oh I HATE her! Say: OMG! I ABSALOUTLY ADORE HER! SHE IS SO HOT! Now you have to start putting posters up of the celeb – and hint at your partner to get her hair cut like said celeb! Sit her down on pull out a picture of celeb – look meaningfully at the photo then look to her and squint your eyes – say “Maybe... with a bit of work we could... yeah with the hair” 4. Be incredibly thick skinned with her, she comes to you crying: you ram your coat on and go to the pub. 5. Sorry Hun I dropped your tooth brush down the toilet. As she is brushing. 6. She cooks you a meal – as it’s put in front of you – walk to the kitchen and cook a pot noodle then go sit in front of the TV and eat the pot noodle. No excuses! Just do it! As soon as she says “Why” your coat is on and you’re at the pub! 7. Text her while you’re not in her company: This bar maid is hitting on me! She totally adores me! I’ll be home later, maybe tomorrow! Xxx (do not reply to any texts sent to you in the meantime or answer any calls) 8. Tell her you got talking to a girl – and the conversation got on to your relationship – and now you think she is a spiteful horrible person – and she better shape up pronto. (women loathe influence from other women hahahaha) 9. Your mum is cute! 10. Purposely leave a web page up with Thai brides for order up when she goes on the PC. You can repeat this trick a lot with different things such as “my girlfriend is a prick” left typed up in Google. Not to forget “i think my partner has anorexia” or “how to tell your partner she smells funky down there” 11. Tell her the dog has hurt his leg and you would appreciate it if she would sleep on the sofa tonight so the dog can get a good night’s sleep. She will decline so argue emphatically until she leaves for the night – when she leaves tell her thank you via a text. 12. Buy her things like pots and pans and cooking utensils anything that just plain implies housekeeping duties. 13. Tell her how you met this girl who is BUTT UGLY but she is ABSALOUTLY hilarious to talk to slightly mention “man she makes me laugh so much! I have never known a girl to be so funny!” Women HATE this! 14. Ask her about her thrush in public really loudly and if it’s cleared up yet. 15.Masturbate next to her in bed – ask her to pass you her nightie – wipe your prick on it roll over and go to sleep. Enjoy! Emsley.

Me in middle!

Hahahaha the first time I ever watched the mighty boosh this came on - "I hate you modern trendy bastards!" Findin an entrance where they kan!

I have recently gone off hot blondes with blue eyes and now totaly destroyed by dark haired girls with brown eyes... Why? I dont know! Think it reminds me of the EX but she had blonde hair / then changed to this fire red brown thing i dunno the stupid bitch was always changing it's colour - (i use the word bitch here with 100% commitment) Who am I kidding I know attraction isn't a choice excuse me while i beat my self.

I'm a leeds united fan - it's in my blood to get upset when I see a Man Joooooo shirt!