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Fatal Rose's 'The Art of Seduction'
Posted 22 January 2008 - 10:25 AM
This thread is for all your questions about love and relationships. The truth is, no matter where you're at, Fatal Rose has been there and done that several times over- lucky for you, he's a nice guy and willing to help. So take advantage of 1Emulation's own font of romantic wisdom, and direct all your troubles to the Fatal Rose.
This is a lounge thread, so please post your story (worded for decent company, of course), wait for a response from Fatal, and then let someone else have a turn. Please keep your gratitude, admiration and sexual propositions where they belong; in a PM .
Posted 22 January 2008 - 10:59 AM
If you are not even sure about that forget about the whole thing.
Has anything physical happened between the two of you?
kissing, spooning, cuddling etc..
I honestly do not know whether or not she really has a boyfriend, she might just enjoy having you around due to the attention you give her. Nothing better then knowing you have emotional control over someone. Seems like she has a decent amount over you.
Do you ever find yourself being in denial when thinking about her in certain ways?
Seems like you are clinging on to the prospect of you two eventually hooking up. Which would not be a problem if you weren't so emotionally attached to her.
The Fatal advice:
Try to figure out what exactly her relationship status is. Be more chill around her, do not show any signs of jealously at all. Be her friend and eventually work your way into something. If you two live together eventually and are alone one night drinking I am sure something is bound to happen.
But in the end it's all about what you really want and what the truth of the situation is. There is nothing wrong with taking a emotional risk and going after something, as long as it does not ruin your credit or hurt you financially.
Find out more info about her relationship status please and post it here.
Oh yeah, never ever bring up that other girl around her.
Posted 22 January 2008 - 11:04 AM
If its causing this much emotional turmoil you might want to walk away from this.
Before you make any decision you have to reflect on the situation and how you feel about her. In a completely honest way. If you find yourself being annoyed (or trying to avoid) by certain thoughts, if some form of denial arises when you think about her there is a problem here.
Posted 22 January 2008 - 02:15 PM
Late August almost two years back, a close friend of mine (and on again off again hook up/romantic interest) began speaking to me after a two month hiatus (which happens semi often with us). I had come out of two failed non-official relationships, so my self esteem was very low at the time. As for her, her relationship was becoming dreadful and her boyfriend, obsessive and insecure... it was strange how things weren't really going our way at the time, especially since we hadn't caught up with each other. Anyways, she decided to call me for a night out. I didn't mind at all as I had no plans, and she had made it clear to me that she needed to talk and get out of the house. So, I picked her up and she told me how hysterical her boyfriend was... I knew he had no prior relationship experience (him and I became buddies for a short while), but I still couldn't believe a few of the things she had said. Then the calls began. He called at least four times, crying the most pathetic words I have ever heard in my life (she had it on speaker phone so I could know what was going on). I felt embarrassed. She complained about everything for a good forty minutes, which was how long it took to arrive at an eighteen and over club (I was nineteen still, she was eighteen), and had informed me that she was on a four day break with the guy.
Then, we got to the club. After maybe ten minutes there, an extremely attractive lesbian approached her and came onto her very heavily. She turned her down, to which I scolded her and convinced her to make out with the lesbian so I could watch. She got drunk, failed at getting the lesbian to allow a three-way kiss with me included, and then hit on me herself. Now in most situations I wouldn't mind and would go with it, but there was this mutual trust her and I had and I wouldn't allow her to do something I felt she may regret when sober. After an hour and a half we left. These may all seem to be inappropriate details at the moment, but I only mention them because it apparently attracted her to me more: she had stripped in the car while I was driving and asked if she could perform fellatio on me -- which regretfully I declined and sensitively told her my reasons. It ended with her putting her clothes on, grabbing my hand, kissing me, and then she placed her head on my shoulder… and then we went to a strip club.
Her four day break with her boyfriend had ended, but her and I had become much closer. So close that her boyfriend began seeing me as more of a threat than before... we weren't as buddy-buddy or anything. She joined me on my twentieth birthday in early September, which was when she began comparing her relationship with me to her relationship with her boyfriend as we were on our way to Hollywood (her and I were alone in the backseat and my friends Colby and Juilianal in the front). She confirmed that she was more attracted to me emotionally and physically than her boyfriend, but though she liked me she couldn't do anything about it since she was "in love" and felt that there was a chance of our "friendship being completely ruined" -- it worried her since she wanted me around "forever". Her and I ended up making out that night, and went to Juilianal's car with hopes of going further... no such luck as my friends came within five minutes of Grope Fest '06.
This kind of thing went on all through September. We weren't having sex, but we would kiss and get cuddly or touchy, and I became the subject of arguments between her and her boyfriend. Her mother and older sister had enough of him and began visiting me at work to talk to me about how they hoped "she'd come to her senses and start seeing me." Her birthday came up near Septembers end, and for her gift I took her to Disneyland and got her the same season pass I had. We had a new reason to see each other more often… and her boyfriend had a new reason to complain about me and argue with her.
I could go on in every shady detail, but I'm sure you get the point. The situation was tailor made for me to end up with the girl (though I admit it does seem scandalous on both of our parts). Her sister and mother were talking to her about me, even her dad was, and I was the perfect gentleman with all the right moves, the experience, taste, and sans awkward emotional episodes due to insecurity. October came, the charade ended, and she finally mustered the strength to break up with him. Apparently he didn't handle it very well and threw a child-like tantrum. I selfishly thought things were going my way, beforehand I just wanted her to break it off because the guy was a freak but now there was more to it then that. Unfortunately, millions of other guys began hitting her up - news spread kind of fast and she's what you'd call a hot catch. She became big-headed. Every other guy would try hitting her up whenever her and I were trying to spend time together, it was annoying but I figured I had to suck it up and let things flow until the time was right for me to make my move and become an official owner and property. Plus, the way she would brush people off when I was around was very reassuring.
For a little while things were near perfect, and then she got worst. She was so consumed by the extra attention she was receiving that it became pretty obvious that she had no intentions in an official relationship. Ryan (Fatal Rose) and I went to a club one night to celebrate a friends birthday. She had a really cute friend that couldn't keep her eyes off of me, and her and I hit it off extremely well. She became my rebound and I had stopped talking to my friend for a while. I was really upset and didn't want to talk about it at all for the longest. As far as her and I are concerned now, it never even happened.
My point may be hard to find due to the length and some of the details I go into, but basically I was being used for the attention and confidence boosts. She did legitimately have feelings for me, but they were only amplified with the pitiful boyfriend around. She had the guy that worshipped the ground she walked on, was a mess without her, and spent god-knows how much money on her, and then she had the guy that gave her the extra bit of attention, had an ideal level of confidence, kept her cool headed, and was able to constantly go out for a good time with. In the situation you're in, you may be the former as I was.
My advice is to keep jealousy at bay. Her boyfriend is of no concern to you, you didn't even hear about the guy until recently... and though I don't know her, I highly doubt she would be pathetic enough to invent some imaginary dude in order to make you jealous. It's possible that she had intended to keep something like a boyfriend a secret since she probably felt you would treat her or act differently which would create an awkward tension… but honestly, I wouldn’t look too deeply into it.
As for being second best… feeling someone out while in a relationship (which females are notorious for) doesn't equate to the person of interest being second best -- it's either due to an attachment to the person they're in the obvious failure of a relationship with or because they need to feel an assurance that there's someone sticking around for them and they won‘t be alone.
As Ryan said, if it's causing emotional turmoil or too much uncertainty, walk away. Otherwise, return things to the way they were prior to your learning of her relationship. If it doesn't seem to be working out, you need to walk away and find someone else.
Posted 22 January 2008 - 03:44 PM
Posted 23 January 2008 - 02:07 AM
1. I would say the girl is having issue no. 1. Scratch the sinister part. I would say he might be flirting and enjoying the attention of his boyfriend and yours. Also, moving out at this point is not advisable yet for you.
You just started a job. Unless you are moving near to your work AND you plan to work in that job for long, I would say scratch that too. Also, moving in with a girl can be really troublesome if you are not prepared.
I am going steady with my current girlfriend and still we have many big arguments when she moved in recently. If it is not for our steadier relationship over the years, we would have broken off by now. It is not trivial matter to co-habit.
2. My suggestion is to take all this in the stride. Stay at your house now for time being. Enjoy the time you have on your own and give her some space. If she is truly serious, you will see the sign. Just don't rush headlong into a relationship when she is still trying to get out of one. I would prefer to find someone with no baggages attached but that is just me.
Good luck BK.
Posted 23 January 2008 - 04:00 AM
reasons: you always need a second opinion, and I'm just that damn nice
Posted 23 January 2008 - 04:05 AM
Posted 23 January 2008 - 04:26 AM
First and foremost, have a deep conversation with yourself and clarify what you feel for this girl. It's THE most important step. Vent out all the rage and hatred. There's really no place for that in any relationship. Relax, take a deep breath, light a cigarette if you smoke and think clearly.
Well for the second part, find out if she has a boyfriend, with actual evidence. But not from her. Then ask her if she has one and why she didn't tell you about him if she does.
If she does have one and lies about it, it's clear. If she's not sincere with you now, it's because she feels that you can't really be trusted.
If she does have a boyfriend, then she'll have to choose between you and him, if she fancies him. I wouldn't take to being second fiddle and neither should you. Or maybe he's just some dude she hangs out with and doesn't mean much. In which case you shouldn't worry about it too much. He won't be figuring in her plans for the long run anyway.
(Case of point, I returned back home in Romania for the holidays. First week I was here, I hook up with a girl, she already had a boyfriend. Since I'm filled with so much awesome, that guy didn't have a chance, he was more of a guy she hanged out with, not much more).
Do not be afraid of confrontations. Just handle it calmly. Believe it or not, arguments are one of the healthiest things that can happen to a relationship if both of you are receptive.
The most important thing I want you know is that it's not good to be so prone to evil thoughts.
Here's one of the better alternatives that I believe may be the motive as to why she didn't tell you about that guy:
She was afraid of losing you, again. Naturally this becomes harder and harder as time goes by, because things between the two of you escalate.
That's why I'm saying, talk to her. Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship. Have her confide in you, listen to her, comfort her. If you find out you really do care about her, then you'll want to do exactly this to establish that you can be trusted. She'll feel bad about not telling you that she has/had a boyfriend but at the same time, will be grateful, relieved and sincere to you from now on.
Drop the rage bro, it's never worth it.
edit: grammar Nazi-ism.
Posted 23 January 2008 - 04:35 AM
Posted 23 January 2008 - 04:37 AM
Axl, not a bad advice. i would say this is a "diplomatic" solution and ensuring a "we will be friends forever" outcome if things didn;t work out as planned.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. It's really tailored around my way of thinking anyway as I usually go for the win when I meet a girl and analyze her entire personality so I don't miss something important. Hope I helped.
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