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-VIOLENCE-

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Posts posted by -VIOLENCE-

    Burlesque Show

    in Gossip Café [/offtopic]

    Posted

    ugh! i HATE JWAKASTANKO!!!! when i see him in the streets, i will FIGHT him, and knock him the hell out...lol you know that refuge he's with is actually a mail order bride from Thailand who happens to be a transexual! lol

     

     

    ja ja ja, i wonder if he's sure he wants to introduce his girlfriend to me....

     

    :afro::huh:

     

    stoopid ass ma flocka! ugh got mah blood pressure up!

     

    now i gotta think of alexandre despatie!

    Burlesque Show

    in Gossip Café [/offtopic]

    Posted

    Ohhh yeah, my girls are back in the bay area once again to blow our minds.

     

    for you local boys here on the forum can tag along

     

    Vroom.txt

     

     

    <_<:punk:

     

    i *heart stormy*

     

    friend of mine who went to the summer show said that stormy is a conceided bi^%, thats hot :devilboy::naughty:

     

     

    Storm.txt

    No Child Left Behind

    in Gossip Café [/offtopic]

    Posted

    FLIP-FLOP

     

    You can run, but you can't hide

     

    group of folks

     

    "whoo!" thats a heated question.

     

    ----------------------------------------

     

    as of this moment everything is focused on kerrys comment on dicks lesbianic daughter. So we can forget about the real issues and how poorly iraq is runned by the bush administration

    SATELLITE RADIO

    in Gossip Café [/offtopic]

    Posted

    Yeah Guys i plan to get sattelite radio around 2006'ish when HOWARD STERN comes to sirus radio LIVE AND UNCUT BABY MMMM

     

    so yeah, any of you cats know anyone who has sattlite radio and how do they like it and is it expensive and shi* is there alot of drama to go through to install it and all that mumbo jumbo...

     

    *nod*

     

    :P

    Jokes

    in Gossip Café [/offtopic]

    Posted

    All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

     

    **************************************

     

    On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

     

    On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

     

    On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

     

    There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

    "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

     

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

     

    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

     

    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

     

    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

     

    Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

    "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

     

    And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

     

    Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

     

    Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

     

    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,

    thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

    "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

    The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

     

    Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

     

    A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"

    Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

    A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

     

    ****************************************************************************

     

    Subject: FW: The SIGN says what?

    To: Sally Fowler

     

     

     

     

     

    Subject: The SIGN says what?

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Did I read that sign right?

     

    TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

     

     

     

     

     

    In a Laundromat:

     

    AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

     

     

     

    In a London department store:

     

    BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

     

     

     

    In an office:

     

    WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

     

     

     

    In an office:

     

    AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

     

     

     

    Outside a secondhand shop:

     

    WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOURWIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

     

     

     

    Notice in health food shop window:

     

    CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

     

     

     

    Spotted in a safari park:

     

    ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

     

     

     

    Seen during a conference:

     

    FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

     

     

     

    Notice in a farmer's field:

     

    THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

     

     

     

    Message on a leaflet:

     

    IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

     

     

     

    On a repair shop door:

     

    WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

     

     

     

    There is a lost dog in your neighborhood who has strayed away from her owner. The dog is a dark brown Chihuahua with a white stomach. The owner is heartbroken and is willing to pay a generous reward for the dog's safe return. She is currently putting up posters in your area. Please be on the lookout for this dog LUCKY".

     

    Subject: ANOTHER BLONDE JOKE

     

     

    Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.

     

    Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

     

    The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

     

    The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

     

    The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

     

    Amish Women

     

    An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer

    stopped her. "I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted

    to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it

    could be dangerous. "I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have

    my husband repair it as soon as I return home.

    "Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is

    wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to

    animals so you should have your husband check that too. "Again I thank thee.

    I shall have my husband check both

    when I get home." True to her word when the Amish lady got home she told her

    husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on

    immediately.

    "Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong

    with the emergency brake.

     

    I found these on the net on another forum and thought you might like em.

    what a long joke....

     

     

     

    ...Honey, I don't read.

     

    "I'm read to"

     

    :blink:

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