By Ashley & Scott Brewer
It was too dark to tell whether our eyes were bleeding from the fast paced fighting sequences or the shedding tears over the desecration of our childhood.
Allow us to explain.
If Transformers the movie was about transforming robots and high adventure (like in the cartoons), it would have been fantastic. Also only 60 mins long.
Sadly, the movie was 2 hours long, the other 60 mins of which focused on "intricate human drama." You know, the seemingly commonplace predicament of sending your only child to college while high on magic brownies, or wholesome, dignified standards of conduct presented in the form of a coy prostitute painting devils on motorcycles to fill the role of heroin. Or the very clever, and shockingly original concept of a computer geek who actually believes in conspiracy theories. Last but not least, the super genius who reveals his mental supremacy be believing that aliens built the pyramids. There is also an important message to kids:
A BA is more important than saving the entire human race.
Outside of that, it was good to see how everyday people....rational, intelligent folks like you and me can relate to a highly developed, hyper-advanced alien robot species with such rich dialogue as, "Damn, that was my eye you crazy bitch".
Since when did a cartoon intended for children become a movie filled with such vulgarity? We were quite surprised to hear an autobot say "That's cuz you is a pussy".
And let us not forget giant robots have truck nuts and that there is a robot heaven!
Honestly, we don't have too much to complain about regarding the robots. They looked pretty awesome. We just wished thye didn't talk so much. Except for Optimus Prime. Bumblebee was lucky...
Not one of the humans presented in the movie were worth saving. Optimus Prime should have flipped the bird (befitting the script) and left them all to die.
It's just saddening how much people have degenerated in our society. To sell sex, promote gang violence in a movie that derived from the concept of a children's t.v. show is a bit sickening.
The sound effects were amazing. The soundtrack wasn't.
All in all, we give 2 out of 4 stars. (only because of the sound effects and robotic fight scenes. Otherwise 1/2 a star.)
Note to Spielberg:
How dare you take a great show, chew it up and regurgitate it and expect us to be grateful?! As if we should celebrate vulgar degenerate language and rampant lasciviousness.
We wish we could lock you and your buddy George Lucas in an oubliette forever where you can imaging raping more concepts that were significant to our childhoods.
And Michael Bay, you were obviously pimp slapped by Spielberg...that movie had spielberg written all over it.