Usually we don't get to talk much because her mom is always right there and her brother. The evening was rather uneventful about two weeks ago, my friends got drunk and I didn’t because I don't drink and so I was chilling there all bored until she got home and we all went out to the backyard and sat at that table and had ourselves a little chit chat. Again I did not get to say much or do anything because her mom was right there and I felt uncomfortable. There were moments where we were just staring at each other, (it made me want to dive over the table at her and rip her clothes off)
But all in all nothing happened.
Until this sat5urday that just passed. Well if you know me in real life you know that I have been rather depressed lately, so my friend said to drink this time, I agreed because I had nothing else better to do. I have never been able to hold my liquor well no matter what kind it was and on top of that I had not had a drink for probably 3 years before that. Well we bought a bunch of liquor and made margaritas (sp?) After about my fourth cup I was gone (yea go ahead and laugh) I could not walk straight, see straight, among other things, I was acting way out of character. Than on top of that I had 4 more drinks after that. Damn was I blown. I was walking around doing martial arts moves and showing off, giving any random person a hug, took off my shirt, did the splits both ways, spilled liquor all over my friend and blamed it on him say he pissed his pants, I just made a complete fool out of myself.
Than all of the sudden (around 12 PM) my friend’s cousin came up to me and said "Ryan you have to calm down! My parents and my sister are coming home! Please stop!" I was ok man don't worry about it. I took a seat because I was tired than his dad came in, I tried as hard as I could to act sober and normal but thankfully he did not talk to me that much. Well he went to bed. Than the inevitable happened and they all went out side to talk and smoke. I followed against my friend’s cousin wishes and took a seat my self. I was acting way more out going than usual, way friendlier and not shy at all (usually I am very shy, especially when a friend’s parents/ ants and uncles are around). I am even shyer than ever over there because my best friend’s ant does not speak English, only Spanish. Than all of the sudden my friend’s cousin started translating all this stuff that she was saying to me, about me being very handsome and polite. That I look like Johnny Depp(SP?) and some other complements. Well I thanked her in a much exaggerated way (people say I always sound sarcastic and fake, so imagine how I sound when I am drunk) than her daughter (the should I do this chick) agreed with her. Throughout the conversation there were times that we started staring at each other and, we starred at each other in the eye so much that I got nervous and had to look away. But while we were staring at each other something ignited within me. I started feeling something inside of me that I have not felt in a long time. Emotions, I realized that I like this girl allot. A whole lot. I will admit that I have a huge crush on her. The way she looked at me really got to me.
She looked like she was happy to see but she was trying to be strong and hold back what she wants to say, hold back her true feelings. For some reason it was so special to me. That evening staring into each others eyes, holding back our true feelings that we both know is there right in front of us on the table served but we have yet to take a bite because of the certain situations we are in. I want to spend a or day with her, so we can really get to know each other, I don't care about the sex part as much anymore. I want to know more about her, and what she thinks/feels about me. The sad thing is that I want everything to do with her but nothing to do with her kids. I know it might make me sound like a jerk but I am being honest. I am in no position to take up a task such as that nor do I want or have any interest what so ever in raising kids. What’s wrong with me? Why do I like this girl? Why does she like me? I don't know what to do anymore. I left it alone for a while but now it has started up again. I am so confused I don't even know what to type anymore. Can anyone relate to this? Can anyone help me? ~ from 2emulation.
Edited by Fatal Rose, 15 September 2004 - 05:11 AM.