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Skythe Reviews Bioshock Infinite Reviews

Posted by Skythe , 18 April 2013 · 5,187 views

Planet Earth Sucks
I'm too lazy to make a video. If you're not friends with me on Facebook, I'll explain what I'm doing. My plan is to review reviews of different forms of media (mostly games). Due to everyone on this planet thinking they can review whatever and prove that you can make money without knowledge and get away with it makes the veins in my head increase in size. So here...we...go.
Bioshock Infinite, if you're retarded or live in your grandmother's vagina, is the latest entry in the Bioshock series. Initially the reviews on day one were nothing but praise. As it should be. But then the next day came some of the most retarded shit I've seen come from the worst attempts of journalism or opinion EVAR! These jackasses are getting paid to play and review a videogame then bitch about over issues that aren't or should never be issues. I believe that when reviewing a game, one should put it on the easiest setting possible and blaze through the game for the story controls and gameplay. Once done, then play a few miniutes in each other difficulty to get an experience of the challenge the game can possibly offer as well as discover the possibility of any form of replay value. And if there's online, go ahead and fool around with that AFTER single play (unless it's strictly an online game). That's it! This first review I'm gonna link did exactly the opposite. He puts it on the hardest difficulty and begins reviewing that this is a bad game beause he keeps dying.
Yes I know.  I'm complaining about a Kotaku author. The community is shit itself. Anywho. If you cared to read it all, Kirk Hamilton (if that is your real name sir) does a play by play of his problem with the combat of the game. Stating that "numerous times" he was getting shot at and had no idea where it was coming from. One example stating that an enemy was right behind him the whole time. My problem with this. THERE'S FUCKING INDICATORS!!! Anytime you get hit, a red symbol pops up that points to which direction the attack is coming from. Yeah, that's not a fashion statement Mr. Hamilton (if that STILL is your real name). And let's not forget that he copy pasted tweets from a Jonathan Blow (he worked on the game Braid) who tweets about his non stop hatred of FPS games with shields. Good job. Not only does your last name say blow but your opinion does too. So now I acknowledge you Mr. Hamilton (pffffft, Hamilton), that the true purpose of your article was more to prove to the world that you 1. Suck at your job and 2. Suck at Bioshock Infinite.
I know, I know. But this time I'm not complaing about the author herself but a devout Christian who complained that the baptism scene in the beginning of the game BEFORE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING was uncomfortable and downright mocked his religious beliefs.
["As baptism of the Holy spirit is at the center of Christianity - of which I am a devout believer - I am basically being forced to make a choice between committing extreme blasphemy by my actions in choosing to accept this 'choice' or forced to quit playing the game before it even really starts," Malmberg explained to Kotaku.]
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If you truly were a devout Christian, you wouldn't be offended by a baptism that sets the tone of the story of the game and the city you're roaming in. You would be offended by the violence that you yourself as the fucking gamer acts out. The violence is in your hands. But a fake priest that baptizes you is the most horrible thing on the planet right now. This "Breen Malmberg" emailed Steam for a refund and got it. More than likely Valve didn't want their names in the headlines of a newspaper shared with this dumbass' name if he were to sue. But then again, this guy has proved my life long opinion. Christians only care about inflicting violence for a supposed "peaceful" religion but when someone or something "mocks or imitates your religion", all hell will break loose. 
I will stop here. Due to not having hair on my head I ripped all the flesh off instead. Thank you Earth for sucking ass.

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